Letter To Me: Taylor McKee

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Dear Me Circa Anytime Before 2019:

Please excuse me while I shove a bunch of graham crackers into my mouth at once while I start writing this letter. When I am nervous I get hungry and right now I am nervous. Like the type of nervous that if I was a dog I would eat your couch and you would put a yellow coat on me to alert others of my nervousness. I am certain that you can empathize with these feelings, but in this point of your life you would never let on to feeling some type of way. Along my many trips around the sun, education on self value, and introduction to what my purpose on this planet is, I managed to uncover the valuable lesson that vulnerability isn’t a weakness, and that is why even in a point of fear, I am able to share how I am feeling, and *high five* for that kind of growth. 

Having just turned the age of 27, I have the opportunity to share why I am so excited to get older. Not only is it a privilege, but I have unlocked the coolest Pokemon of them all: I feel grounded and grateful, and I hope that that feeling expands with age. You were not always in this space. There were so many years that your insecurities around your intellect, ability, body, and path in life, pushed you to crippling degrees of isolation, anxiety, and self destruction. I am looking at you, version of self that watches The Office obsessively for days on end without interacting with anyone and telling people that you are “really busy.”  You lacked control, self respect, peace of mind, actual normal sleeping hours, healthy relationships with food and body, genuine relationships with those around you, and a space to say that things were not okay. 

Like a bell, the toll rang out over your life and eventually you could see that you had to make a change if you wanted to come out the other side of this. After all, there are so many more dogs that you need to pet. So you did something that scared the shit out of you. You asked for help. This learning curve was a huge leap into the unknown for you, which from a fear perspective ranks higher than spiders. I know.  As Gloria Steinem said, “Mystery leaves a space for us when certainty does not.” For so long you were certain that this was just how it was meant to be. You told yourself this everyday, every hour, every minute, until you believed it true, but in one moment of uncertainty, when you opened yourself up to the unknown, it created a space for change.So you built yourself up, little by little, and focused on pouring your energy into things that made you flourish and thrive, not just survive. And let me tell you, there is something pretty fucking magical that happens when you hold yourself accountable. You have managed to accept that you deserve love and kindness, you cook more often, you read books with fervor, you travel frequently, you laugh a little brighter, and you are starting to feel at peace in your skin in ways that you haven’t felt before. You are passionate, engaged, and focused on generating change. You have surrounded yourself with people who are the personification of golden hour, and I promise you will never express enough gratitude towards them for the pep talks, beautiful meals, hikes, road trips, and lovely memories. YOU HAVE A DOG. Your partner is a gem, who will take silly videos of you dancing at the top of a mountain, and has vowed to be there when you are vulnerable and admire you when you are strong. Above all else, you started showing up as YOU. On purpose. With Purpose. I would like to thank you for getting us here. 

X Tay